A bad day on the subway:
I know you think there is not enough room for me to get on but there actually is so how about you move your lazy ass further into the train and away from the door. Hmm? Well look at that…I fit. Hey lady, how is it that you don’t know your suitcase-sized purse is digging into my ribcage? Because you are completely enthralled with reading Fifty Shades of Grey, that’s why. I know this due to the fact that you keep jamming your Kindle into my forearm every time the train lurches because you refuse to hold onto the pole. If you end up stepping on my flip-flopped-foot I will punch you in the neck. Fair warning. Hey, he’s cute. Wait. That’s a woman. Alright, which of you mutherfuckers farted? If that rotten smell came out of me I would march myself to the ER, stat. Hold your breath, hold your breath. Is the a/c even on? It feels like it’s not on. Now I have bra sweat to contend with. Oh no, teenage girls just got on. Where are my headphones? Thank heavens it’s finally my stop. Yes, you dumb cow, I will shoulder into you if you try to get on the train when all of us are trying to get off. Learn some manners. You heard me. Learn some fucking manners. And your perfume smells like dusty old lady.
A good day on the subway:
Holy mother of miracles I got a seat. And the seat is not coated with an unidentified substance. Today is going to be awesome!
Monkey in Manhattan 