For many years I have been collecting interesting and bizarre calls from my hometown newspaper’s police blotter and sharing them with friends, family and coworkers. They are the wackiest I’ve ever seen. As my newest friends, I thought you might enjoy them as well. Here are some recent ones:
– A man from Sutton Way reported invisible people were stealing his knick-knacks.
– A woman reported a naked man just burst into her residence, told her aliens were there and he had just eaten someone. He was wearing tennis shoes. He then ran down the road, yelling.
– A man asked to speak to the President of the United States, and said he was going to donate one trillion dollars to the community. He called back twice, wanting to be connected the president. He then called to say he was having a heart attack, refusing to give his name and saying people who believe in God will find him. He changed his mind and said he would be waiting for the ambulance, dressed as a homeless person, and giving his phone number as 1-800-GOD.
– A caller reported a bloated stomach.
– A woman reported a burning bottom. She was advised to call her physician.
– A caller requested additional patrols after multiple complaints of off-leash dogs and “mass defecation.”
– A caller reported finding an African Tortoise approximately the size of a stop sign. The animal was later reunited with its owner.
– A caller reported a male subject laying in the driveway, slurring his speech while asking for more beer.
– A caller from Nevada Street reported odd screeching.
– A woman reported Angolan terrorists were trying to kill her with hatchets. No one was located. She was advised to stay inside for the night.
– A caller from Save Mart reported an out-of-control customer pushing a cart around the store, yelling and making sounds like a monkey.
– A woman from Sutton Way reported a man threatened her and threw corn chips at her vehicle.
– A male caller could be heard swearing and saying “stupid phone,” before disconnecting.
– A caller from Ball Road reported a doorbell ditch.
– A caller reported that every night there are people near the playground who smoke and vomit, and requested extra patrols.
– A woman reported a man on the property with a loaded gun. He could not be located. At 8:28 p.m., she called to report her lights were out and the man was outside with a shotgun. At 9:19 p.m., she asked for a deputy to walk her out to her generator, saying she didn’t want to be shot if she went outside alone. She advised that if she dies, she wants to be buried next to her pig, Ruby. At 9:34 p.m., she called to report she went outside with a rake and a flashlight, and turned the generator off. At 10:05 p.m., she advised that this was her last 911 call and she would not call back unless she knew she was about to be shot.
– A caller reported a 4-foot-tall man refused to leave a business, yelled multiple expletives and then spat his burrito at the caller. He missed and it landed on the front door. He then left on foot.
– A man reported the theft of $2,500 from a bank account. After investigating, it appeared there had been no unauthorized activity and the man over-spent.
There are many, many more available to share so let me know if you are interested in seeing additional police calls from a (clearly strange) small town in California and I will gladly post them.